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Episode 309

Jewbilee

(Open to Kyle's house. Sheila and Gerald Broflovski are dressing Ike for Squirts)

Sheila: Hold still, Ike! We have to get you dressed! (to Gerald) Where the heck is Kyle?!

Gerald: I don't know! (shouts towards upstairs) Come on, Kyle! You're gonna be late for Jew Scouts!

(Cut to Kyle's bathroom. Kyle is dressing for Jew Scouts and humming a tune.)

Sheila: (offscreen) Kyle!

Kyle: I'm comming, Ma! (the doorbell rings)

Sheila: (offscreen) Go get the door, Kyle!

Kyle: Ah! "Get ready! Answer the door!" Jesus Christ! Make up your friggin mind!

(Kyle goes downstairs and answers the door. It is Kenny!)

Kyle: Oh! Hey, Kenny!

Kenny: {How's it going?! Wanna go watch a meteor shower?!}

Kyle: I can't watch a meteor shower with you, Kenny! I have to go to Jewbilee!

Kenny: {What's that?!}

Kyle: It's what we do in Jew Scouts! Usually, we just sit around and make stuff, but tonight, because there's a meteor shower, we're gonna do some big thing out in the woods! It's gonna suck ass, I'm sure!

Kenny: {Hey! That's easy!}

Kyle: Hey! Maybe you can go with me! Then it won't suck so hard!

Kenny: {Really?!}

(The two kids go inside)

Kyle: Mom! Can Kenny go to Jewbilee with me?

Sheila: Well Kyle, Jewbilee is sort of a ssspecial thing!

Kyle: Oh! Kenny isn't special?

Kenny: {Sigh!}

Sheila: No, no! You're very special, Kenny! It's just that...well...Jewbilee is for Jewish kids!

Gerald: You see, boys! Jew Scouts is a special group that borrows a little bit from all different Jewish denominations! From the Orthodox Jews, from the Hesidic Jews, from the Northern Italy Cave Jews, but you have to believe the basic tenants of Judaism to be a scout!

Kyle: Kenny will believe whatever you want him to!

Kenny: {Yeah!}

Sheila: Kyle! Eh-the problem is...

Kyle: Please, Ma! I don't think Kenny has anywhere else to be tonight!

Gerald: Oh, alright! Just don't let any of the elders know that he isn't Jewish! Okay?

Kenny: {Whoopie!}

Sheila: Come on, Ike! It's time to go to Squirts!

(Ike enters wearing his Squirts uniform)

Kenny: {Huh?!}

Kyle: You have to be in Squirts if you're too young to be a Jew Scout!

Kenny: {Oh!}

Sheila: Don't worry, Kenny! I'll fill you in on our faith on the way up there!

(They all exit)

(Cut to the Broflovskis' Car. Shiela is driving)

Sheila: And then, Kenny, Abraham's wife bore him no children. She had a handmaid Egyptian who's name was Hagar! And Sari said unto Abraham, "Behold, now! The lord hath restrained be from bearing! I pray thee! Go into my maid!".

Kenny: {Uh, huh!}

Sheila: Abraham begot Isaac, whom the lord then said to kill! But, that was just a little silly trick to see if Abraham would do it!

Kenny: {Uh, huh!}

Ike: Nooo dirp! (Takes off Squirt's hat)

Kyle: No, Ike! (Puts Squirt's hat back on Ike) Ma! Ike keeps taking off his Squirt's uniform!

Sheila: Ike, you behave!

Ike: Dwerp?! (Takes off hat again)

Kyle: No, Ike! (puts hat back on)

Ike: Ba, ba, ba, ba!

Kyle: I don't think Ike wants to go to Squirts!

Gerald: Ike, your brother Kyle was in Squirts and so was I! You have to go so someday you can be a big brave Jew Scout!

Ike: No! (Takes off uniform)

Gerald: Tell Ike how much fun Squirts is, Kyle!

Kyle: What, you want me to lie?!

Gerald: Yeah! Lie!

Kyle: Oh! Ike, Squirts is so much fun!

Shiela: Oh, my God! What is that?! (stops the car and they look out and see a great big bear)

Gerald: Hey! It's a bear!

(The bear leaves)

Kyle: Wow! Cool!

Sheila: This retreat really is out of the way! Isn't it!?

(Cut to Jewbilee. The Broflovskis' car drives in to the Jew Welcome Station)

Jew Scouts Leader #1: Welcome to Jewbilee! You folks find it okay?!

(the kids get out of the car. Kyle has his uniform back on)

Gerald: (from inside the car) Yeah! Actually, we saw a bear a few miles back!

Kyle: He was huge!

Jew Scouts Leader #1: Yeah! We spotted him a few days ago! Nothing to worry about though! Your boys are safe with us!

Sheila: (Starts the car) I'm sure they are!

Gerald: We'll be back to pick you up after the meteor shower party, boys!

Sheila: Goodbye, boys! Kyle and Ike, you be safe! And Kenny,...

Kenny: {Uh, huh?}

Sheila: Try and act Jewish! (drives away)

Kenny: {How do I act Jewish?!}

(Enter Squirt Leader and Squirts)

Squirt Leader: (to Ike) C'mon, Squirt! We're meeting over here! (Ike hides behind Kyle)

Kyle: Who are you?!

Squirt Leader: I'm the Squirt Leader! I don't want to be the Squirt Leader, but I don't have a choice! It's the only way I can earn my Hudhpa badge! So I gotta spend all night instructing Squirts!

Kyle: You have to go with him, Ike!

Ike: Ba, ba, ba, ba!

Kyle: Don't worry, Ike! Squirts is fun, and I'll be right over there in the next building!

Ike: Ba, ba!

Squirt Leader: Come on! (picks up Ike by the arm and leaves with all the Squirts following him)

Jew Scouts Leader #1: Name!

Kyle: Kyle Broflovski!

Kenny: {Kenny McCormic!}

Jew Scouts Leader #1: What?!

Kyle: Uh, Kenny McHeinenburg!

Jew Scouts Leader #1: (takes down these names on a clipboard) Alright! Get to Mashugana Hall! The meeting is already starting!

(Kyle and Kenny head toward Mashugana Hall! They pass by the Chamber of Elders)

Kenny: {What's this?!}

Kyle: This is where the elders meet! Nobody's allowed to go in there when they're having a meeting!

(Cut to inside Chamer of Elders)

Chief Elder: Holeh Lohazeh! Homeh Kadursh! Mekoh! (Translation; "Now gather us, the elders.") Hekanazu! Puanazeke! Hakela! (Translation: "On this most holy of nights.")

Elders: Hela, hela et Moseh! (Translation; "Praise Moses.")

Chief Elder: I want to welcome you to all! Though we each come from a different sect of Judaism, on this night of Jewbilee, we all pray to Moses as one! Henameh cureh! Narukashu! (Translation; "May all the power of moses show us the way...") Now, let us introduce ourselves!

Elder Karn: Elder Karn from the Orthodox synagogue.

Elder Harris: Elder Harris from the Hesidic sect.

Elder Garth: Elder Garth from the synagogue of Anti-Semites.

Chief Elder: I don't believe I've heard of the Anti-Semetic sect of Judaism before!

Elder Garth: We're new!

(Cut to Squirt's Lair)

Squirt Leader: Okay, Squirts! The elders have given us a very important task tonight! We're all going to make macaroini pictures like this one! (shows a macaroni picture of a Star of David) Using dry macaroni, paper, and glue!

Dark-Brown Haired Squirt: How come we have to make macaroni pictures?!

Squirt Leader: Because that's what Squirts do! Now, shut your pie hole!

Bald Squirt: (to Ike) What's your name?

Ike: No!

Bald Squirt: How come your head is looking so ... funny-looking?

Ike: Uh, uh! (takes off his hat and looks out the window. He sees Kyle and Kenny walking to Mashugana Hall)

(Cut to Jew Scouts Meeting Hall: Mashugana Hall)

Chief Jew Scout Leader: And that's how we'll be making tonight's craft! And so you see, Scouts, all you need is a bar of soap and a dull knife! And you can make nifty soap sculptures like these! Here's a girraff! And here's a cloud! You can all pick up your bars of soap later on as we will all be making soap sculptures tonight! Now, this year we are pleased to anounce that Jewbilee has grown to over one hundred Jew Scouts from all around the country! All new inductees raise your hands!

Kyle: That's you, Kenny! Raise your hand! (Kenny does so along with all other new inductees)

(The Chief Jew Scout Leader looks over the new inductees and notices that one of them is Chinese)

Chief Jew Scout Leader: Ah, yyyes! And what is your name, young man?

Chinese Jew: Junichi!

Chief Jew Scout Leader: Oh! Wonderful! Uh, uh, c-could you run out and grab some, some of those candles for us? (points to the door. Junichi goes out the door and Jew Scout Leader #2 locks the door behind him preventing him, or any other Chinese Jews from getting back in.) There we go! Ahem! Now, I would like all the new inductees to step forward please!

Kyle: This part kinda sucks, Kenny! But, don't screw it up! (Kenny goes towards the Chief Jew Scout Leader along with the other Inductees)

Chief Jew Scout Leader: Raise your left hand and repeat after me. (He and Inductees raise their left hands) I pledge to be a Jew Scout.

Inductees: I pledge to be a Jew Scout.

Chief Jew Scout Leader: My honor wide and true.

Inductees: My honor wide and true.

Chief Jew Scout Leader: I am proud to be a Jew scout.

Inductees: I am proud to be a Jew scout.

Chief Jew Scout Leader: Otherwise, I'd just be a Jew.

Inductees: Otherwise, I'd just be a Jew.

(The inductees lower their hands. The Chief Jew Scout Leader goes toward the line of inductees with a gigantic bell)

Chief Jew Scout Leader: Naheet Kayem.

Inductee #1: Haheet Kayem.

(The Chief Jew Scout Leader puts the bell over the head of Inductee #1, rings it and lifts it off. Inductee #1 shakes and wobbles.)

Chief Jew Scout Leader: Naheet Kayem.

Inductee #2: Haheet Kayem. (The Chief Jew Scout Leader puts the bell over his head, rings it and lifts it off.) Boo hooooo hoo hoo hoo hooo!

Chief Jew Scout Leader: (approaches Kenny) Naheet Kayem.

Kenny: {Naheet Kayem.} (The Chief Jew Scout Leader puts the bell over his head, but Kenny ducks before the bell is rung) {Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!} (he attempts to leave but the Chief Jew Scout Leader catches him with the bell, puts it over Kenny's head, and rings it five or more times)

(Cut to Squirt's Lair)

Squirt Leader: Okay, Squirts! Let's see what you made macaroni pictures of! Ishmael!

Ishmael: (Shows his picture) Apple!

Squirt Leader: Good! Mathew!

Mathew: (Shows his picture) Cat!

Squirt Leader: Joseph!

Joseph: (Shows his picture) Triangle!

Squirt Leader: Okay! Ike!

Ike: Kokershang! (Shows his picture. It is a macaroni picture of that famous painting of "The Last Supper". colour, detail, and all!)

Squirt Leader: Heh! You don't make a macaroni picture of the last supper at a Jewish camp! (The Bear is heard from outside) What the cheese?! (He looks outside. The Bear is outside digging in a garbage can) Oh, my God! It's that bear they've been talking about! (The bear runs away. He and the Squirts exit their lair) Where'd he go?! (Silence) Squirts! Go grab your gear! We're gonna go hunt us a bear! Then I'll get my Hudhpa badge for sure!

(Cut to the Chamber of Elders)

Cheif Elder: Elehem Hardereim! Hashusai farlenu! (Translation: "Tonight for the meteor shower, we will pray to Moses.") Haka dosh boruku! Omashe hagshrev! (Translation: "Then we will give Moses thanks.")

Elder Garth: Oh, enough already! What has Moses ever done for us?!

Cheif Elder: All sects of Judaism follow the words of Moses!

Elder Garth: Not mine! Tonights meteor shower is the sign of the new time! He, he! We should use it to pray to Haymen and enter into a new millenium phase!

Cheif Elder: Enough, elder! You will not speak the name of Haymen here!

Elder Garth: All you ever do is worship Moses, but it says in the book of Centuries that Haymen will one day lead the Jews!

Cheif Harris: We pray to Moses here, Elder!

Elder Garth: If you guys love Moses so much, why don't you marry him?!

Cheif Elder: We accept all denominations of Judaism here at Scouts, Elder. But your synagogue of Anti-Semites is too strange! Get out and do not return! You are no longer welcome here!

(Elder Garth gets up and goes toward the door)

Elder Garth: Fine! Jewbilee is the time of Haymen! You will all see how wrong you are very soon when Haymen returns from the ninth tower of devolutionment and smokes Moses and all his followers into pillards of dust that would cry for their petty lives but can't having recently been turned into dust and all! You will see! You will see this very night! (He leaves)

Chief Elder: Hello!

(Cut to Camp Fire)

Kyle: C'mon, Kenny! You have to get in a circle!

Kenny: {What the heck are we doing?!}

Kyle: This is where we all stand in a cirle and pray to Moses for guidance during Jewbilee.

Kenny: {Ha, ha, ha, ha! That's fuckin' stupid!}

Kyle: It is not stupid, Kenny! This is my faith and you shouldn't make fun of it!

Cheif Elder: Alright, Jew Scouts! The meteor shower will start soon! Let's pray to Moses for guidance. Moses, great leader, on this blessed night of Jewbilee, we ask for your tutalige.

Jew Scouts: May the teachings of Moses fill our ears and our hearts respectively.

Cheif Elder: Ooooooooooh....

Jew Scouts: Ooooooooooh....

(Cheif Elder and Jew Scouts continue thier moaning as we pan to a tree behind which Elder Garth is hiding)

Elder Garth: Stupid assholes! Moses ain't gonna teach them anything! Do not fear, Haymen! This night shall be yours! And the Anti-Semetic Jews will once again rule the earth!

(Cut to Woods. The Squirt Leader and Squirts are have set bait for the bear)

Squirt Leader: (singing) We are Squirts! We are Squirts! We're so kosher that it hurts! When we get older, we'll be Scouts, but until then, we are Squirts! (song ends) Heh! (Sees the bear near the bait) There he is, Squirts! (bear sniffs the bait on the ground) Okay, Squirts! Remember the plan! Imobilize and attack! Mathew! You imobilize the bear with the net, and echo team, run up and attack it with your squirt knives! (bear sniffs the bait some more) Don't get too close, now! Just close enough to throw the net on the stupid bear! (Mathew approaches the bear with the net.) Now! (The bear is disturbed! Mathew throws the net on himself by mistake!)

Mathew: Oh, Frank! (The bear carries him away in the net) No!

Squirt Leader: Oh no! Oh, God! Oh, the bear took a squirt! Oh, I'm gonna get it now!

(Cut to Camp Fire. Jew Scouts and Cheif Elder are still moaning.)

Cheif Elder and Jew Scouts: Ooooooooooh....

Kenny: (hears a noise) {What's happening!}

Kyle: Shh! Shut up, Kenny!

(Ass all continue to moan, except Kenny, an object forms from out of the fire, similar to that spirally object with the stringy mouth from the movie Tron. Apparently, this is Moses)

Kenny: {WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!}

Kyle: That's Moses, stupid!

Cheif Elder: Great Moses, we your most loyal followers want to thank you a lot for coming.

Moses: The hour of Jewbilee is near! Let all debts be forgiven and all slaves free! Mwaaaaaaaaa....

Jew Scouts: Aaaaaaaaaaah...

Cheif Elder: Alright, Scouts! Let's all show Moses our soap sculptures so that he may rejoice and be pleased! (Jew Scouts present their soap sculptures to Moses)

Kyle: (presenting his sculpture) It's a duck! (Kenny does a few last minute scrapings on his sculpture which appears to be one of himself)

(Cut to Elder Garth's Tree)

Elder Garth: (reading from the book of Haymen) ...and it was fortold that the spirit of Moses would finally rest when his spirit was imprisoned by Haymen in a cockshell of blind faith. Cockshell! Like this one! Neat! (Takes out a cockshell)

(Cut to Campfire)

Chief Elder: Moses, the Squirts have made you tidings of macaroni pictures. They should be here any second. (to Elder Harris) Where the hell are the Squirts! We need those macaroni pictures for moses right now!

(Cut to Woods. A trap is set. The Squirts are behind a bush. The Squirt Leader sets up the bait and pours rat poison on it.)

Squirt Leader: Now, we'll just see how Mr. Bear loves rat poison. That ought to be enought to kill a super bear. Okay! Raise the tray! (a Squirt pulls the rope and the tray raises) Hudhpa badge, here I come!

Bear: (coming closer) Grrowl!

Squirt Leader: Yikes! (goes to hide with the Squirts) Okay! Here he comes! Easy, now! Easy, Squirts! (bears sniffs) Okay, Squirt! Lower the tray! (The Squirt with the rope lowers the tray) That's it! That it, you goddam stupid bear fraidy! (The bear approaches the tray and slams it down to the ground sending the Squirt with the Rope flying right towards the bear.)

Squirt with Rope: Aaaaaaaah!

Squirt Leader: Heh!

Squirt with Rope: (lands on tray) Ah! (The bear takes him and runs away) Eeeeek!

Squirt Leader: Jesus! Holy God! Another Squirt!

Ike: Mommy!

Squirt Leader: You think you can stop me from getting my Hudhpa badge, you stupid bear?! Think again!

(Cut to Campfire.)

Jew Scouts: (Singing) Kumbaya, my Lord! Kumbaya! Oh Lord, Kumbaya!

Chief Elder: Great and honorable Moses, what do you desire from us, your children?

Moses: I desire...I desire macaroni pictures.

Chief Elder: Y'yes, yes! The macaroni pictures are coming right away. Uh, anything else you want from us, o great leader of the people?

Moses: I desire popcorn necklaces.

Chief Elder: You heard him! Get to making popcorn necklaces right away! All you need is some popcorn and a needle and thread.

(The Jew Scouts start making popcorn necklaces. Kenny finishes up his self-portraying soap sculpture and presents it to Moses.)

Moses: Hold! There is an an impurity.

Elder Garth: (from his tree) Oh, no! He's on to me, Haymen!

Jew Scouts and Elders: (looking at Kenny) Huh!

Chief Elder: An impurity, Moses?

Moses: This child bears not Persia.

Kenny: {Uh, oh!} (The Jew Scouts start gathering around Kenny and Kyle) {What the hell are we gonna do!}

Kyle: Don't worry! I know what to do!

Chief Elder: Scout Broflovski, have you defiled Jew Scouts by bringing a Non-Hebrew to Jewbilee?!

Kyle: Elder, It's not my fault! He told me he was Jewish!

Kenny: {What?!}

(Cut to Camp Fire. Later.)

Cheif Elder: A Non-Jew has impultrated Jew Scouts and looked upon the face of Moses. He must be dealt with.

Kenny: {I tried to tell him I wasn't Hebrew just before we left!}

Chief Elder: You are banished from here. You must leave before the great eating of carrot cake.

Kenny: {What?!}

Kyle: He doesn't get cake?!

Moses: No cake for the impurity!

Chief Elder: Go now! You do not belong here!

(Kenny leaves with his head hung over. Meanwhile... Elder Garth has approached Moses and is casting a spell on him from the Book of Haymen.)

Moses: Whooooooaaaaaaaa!

Elder Garth: Imbandu kanda veed! Davine hakumbai iken shtood!

Chief Elder: Elder! What are you doing?!

Elder Garth: Shtood valan shtood ika ika broosht!

Elder Harris: He's reading from the book of Haymen!

Elder Garth: (takes out the cockshell) Into the cockshell, Moses!

Moses: (getting sucked into the cockshell) Aaaaaaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaah!

Elder Garth: And there you shall stay! Trapped for all eternity!

Cheif Elder: Elder, what have you done?!

Elder Garth: I told you! The meteor shower's the time of Haymen! I am running Jewbilee now!

Chief Jew Scout Leader: Release Moses now!

Elder Garth: (pulls out a gun) I don't think so!

Everyone: Heh!

Jew Scout #1: When do we get to eat carrot cake?

Elder Garth: Now, all of you into that building or I'll shoot you where you stand!

Chief Elder: Elder, you cannot mean...

Elder Garth: Move!

(Elders and Jew Scouts are lured into a nearby building at Elder Garth's gun-point. Kenny is still around; he sees this happening from behind Elder Garth's tree. Elders and Jew Scouts enter the building and Elder Garth locks the door behind them. Elder Garth approaches the camp fire)

Elder Garth: Now! Now, Haymen! Your time has come!

(Inside Locked Building)

Kyle: Dude! What the hell is going on?!

Chief Elder: If he summonds Haymen, we will all be destroyed!

Kenny: (from behind tree) {Oh, no!}

(Cut to Woods)

Squirt Leader: (singing) We are Jew Squirts! We know Jewish shtick, shtick, shmaler shmaler, shtick, shtick, shmaler, shmaler! Doo doo doo doo! Doo, doo, doo. (song ends. he stops everyone) Hold it, Squirts! This is where we'll set our trap! Everyone remember their squadron! Alpha Five and Gamma Seven will be on recon team! Alpha will take left plank and flush the bear out of sector three! Once we're in position, I want costant contact between all squad leaders! We'll flush him out and then we'll attack him! (Bear takes another Squirt by the name of Ikmael)

Ikmael: Aaah! Aaah!

Squirt Leader: Remember, this is only a bear! All we have to do is stick together and we can spend the rest of the night making bear sandwiches! Where's Ikmael?!

Ike: No!

Squirt Leader: Gosh dammers! You stupid goddam son of a bear! You've taken your last Squirt! You hear me?!

(Cut to Camp Fire)

Elder Garth: And the ancient one looked upon Hayman as the new leader of the people. And it was the night that stars flew around the sky. (The meteor shower is taking place.) Yes! YES!

(Inside Locked building)

Chief Elder: If he summonds Hayman, it will be the end of everything we hold dear!

Jew Scout: I wanna go home!

(Cut to Forest Road. Kenny is walking home. He sees a red car and tries hitchhiking.)

Kenny: {Hey!}

(the red car passes by. Next, the police come up along with three ATF vans)

Kenny: {Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!}

(they all pass by.)

Kenny: {Hmph!}

(Cut to Woods)

Squirt Leader: That bear thinks he can outsmart me! Well, I'm not gonna let a stupid bear get a... Heh! Hold! Look over there! (Sees what appears to be a lost Squirt.) It's one of the Squirts the bear took! Maybe he's okay! (They approach the object. It's just a piece of wood with a Squirt uniform on it!) IT'S A TRAP! (Apparently, the bear has set a trap! It springs and a net captures all the rest of the Squirts. The bear comes up and takes the rest of the quirts away.)

Bear: Growl!

Squirt Leader: Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn! Okay, bear! That does it! You wanna kill all the squirts?! You can have them! I give up! I don't need my Hudhpa badge, or Jew Scouts, or any of this crap! Forget it!

(Cut to Camp Fire)

Elder Garth: Let the new tide turn! Let Haymen rule his people once again!

Chief Elder: (inside building) No!

(Kenny, unable to get a ride, goes back to the camp. He sees Elder Garth from behind a bush.)

Elder Garth: We await your return, Hayman! You passage is safe from enimies.

(The bear approaches Kenny and takes him away)

Kenny: {Aaaa!}

(Inside Building. Chief Elder tries to break the door open with his body but fails.)

Chief Elder: It's hopeless!

Chief Jew Scout Leader: Hayman will be summoned and we will be forced to obey him or die!

Elder Harris: I-I'm fine with obeying!

Chief Jew Scout Leader: Yeah, obeying should work out swell!

Kyle: Don't worry, you guys! He forgot about Kenny! Kenny will help us!

Another Elder: How?!

Kyle: Kenny will find a way!

(Cut to Bear's Cave. The bear brings Kenny inside)

Kenny: {Aaaaaaaarg!} (The bear puts him down!) {Huh?!} (sees Squirts with Ike and a Bear Cub)

Black Haired Squirt: Hey! Welcome to the party! See this little bear cub? It's his birthday!

Blonde Haired Squirt: Yeah! So his mommy brought us all over to play with him!

Bear Cub: Growl!

Kenny: {Ah!}

(The bear comes over and licks a Squirt.)

Kenny: {Hey, kids! I gotta go! The Elders and Jew Scouts are locked in a building! And Elder Garth has released Haymen, and if we don't do something, Haymen will rule us all and we'll have to obey him!}

Black Haired Squirt: Haymen?! Uh, oh!

Kenny: {What's the deal?! You know all about this Haymen at your age?! You're so young!}

Black Haired Squirt: C'mon, Squirts! We have to help them!

Squirts: Yeah!

(They all leave.)

(Cut to Camp Fire)

Squirt Leader: Elder Squard! I lost the Squirts! I lost all the Squirts! (silence) Well screw you! I don't need your Hudhpa badge anyway! Hello?!

Chief Elder: (from inside building) Frodo! Get us out of here!

Squirt Leader: What the cheese!? (Sees all the prisoners in the building) What are you guys doing in there?!

Chief Elder: (from inside building) Get the keys and unlock the door!

Squirt Leader: What?!

Chief Elder: (from inside building) Get the keys and unlock the door!

Squirt Leader: I lost the Squirts! (Elder Garth approaches him from behind)

Chief Elder: (from inside building) Look out!

Squirt Leader: Huh?!

Elder Garth: (pointing his gun) Don't move!

Squirt Leader: Oh, Jiminy Gravy! What's this?!

Elder Garth: It's the summoning of Haymen, fool! The wakening of a new kingdom! He, he!

Squirt Leader: You can't wake Haymen! What would Moses say?!

Elder Garth: Moses is trapped for all eternity in the cock of blind faith!

Squirt Leader: (Sees the Cockshell and makes a grab for it) Oh no, you don't! (Elder Garth shoots him but only injurs him) Heh! Eaaaaaaaaaaw!

Elder Garth: Enough of this waste of time! (goes back to the fire and opens the book of Haymen) Haymen! The great summoning is done! Upon these words, let your spirit come! Inek! Foas!

Chief Elder: (Inside Building) Is it lost?!

Elder Garth: Hayek! Kareem!

(Kenny enters and snatches the book from Elder Garth)

Kenny: {Whoopie!}

Elder Garth: Hey! Give that back!

(The Squirts enter to free the Elders and Scouts)

Chief Elder: (Inside Building) It's the Squirts!

Kyle: (Inside Building) Go, Ike!

Chief Elder: (Inside Building) Unlock the door, Squirts! The keys are up there! (point to where the keys are, above the door)

Elder Harris: (Inside Building) They'll never reach!

Brwon Haired Squirt: Squirts! Fall in! Chinese formation! (Squirts pile up on top of each other)

Squirts: Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut!

(Cut to Forest Outskirts where Elder Garth is still chasing Kenny)

Elder Garth: Gimmie that book! (Kenny falls down. Elder Garth grabs the book and kicks Kenny.) Haymen will deal with you! (Kicks Kenny again.)

(Cut to Locked building)

Squirts: Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! (the Squirts are all on top of each other with Ike at the very top. Ike grabs the key. The Squirts jump down. Ike unlocks the door and frees the Elders and Jew Scouts. The Elders and Jew Scouts immediately exit the building.)

Elder Harris: Oh, no! It's too late!

Elder Garth: Ramak! Shtood! (thunder and lightning are formed)

(The bear finds the cockshell in which Moses is still trapped. The bear takes it to Kenny.)

(From the sky, Haymen appears! He is a dark figure shaped like a cross between a bat and a bug. he has two red light eyes.)

Kyle: What is that?!

Chief Elder: It is Haymen!

Elder Garth: Yes! YES!

(Kenny tries to break open the cockshell over a rock but fails. Then he tries hitting the cockshell on a tree.)

(Haymen is fully recovered. He speaks)

Haymen: Free! Free to punish those that imprisoned me!

Elder Garth: Haymen! It's me, Garth! I freed you!

Kyle: Look! (pointing to Kenny who is still trying to free Moses from the cockshell.)

Kenny: {Okay, fine! I'll hit it with my head!}

Kyle: Kenny! Noooo!

Kenny: {Haaaaiah!} (Hits the cockshell with his head killing himself but freeing Moses)

Haymen: Moses! Noooooo!

Elder Garth: Noooooo! Noooooo! (Moses destroys Haymen and returns to his place on the camp fire) Moses! Uh, I...I apoligize for any inconvenience! He, he! Uh, uh, you see, I was just, uh...

Moses: Die! (blasts Elder Garth with lazers comming out of his eyes)

Elder Garth: Whoa! Waaaaaaaaaaaaa! Ohhhh! (he is disintegrated so that there is nothing left of him except a skelleton of bones.)

Everyone: Hooray!

Kyle: Kenny! (Approaches the dead body of Kenny as does everyone else)

Elder Harris: That blow to his head must have killed him!

Elder Karn: He saved us! He saved all the Jews!

Kyle: Y'know, I think we all learned something today! It's fine to have your own beliefs and your own traditions, but as soon as you start excluding people from your ways, only because of their race, you become separatist! And being a separatist sucks ass!

Elder Harris: We've learned a lot from you and your great friend Kenny!

Moses: Every year, we shall gather here, this speacial place, and bring Kenny tidings of soap sculptures and macaroni pictures.

Elder Harris: Yes!

Moses: And those little shaker things where you put beans inside of paper plates that are glued together.

Elder Harris: Paper plate bean shakers!

Moses: And let us put patterns of glue on the outside of those paper plates so we can then pour glitter on them so they look nice and sparkly.

Chief Elder: You heard him, Scouts! Let's get to work!

(End Credits)

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